It’s so difficult when you lose or have to leave a relationship because of death, some other type of loss, distance, separation or conflict, and then, on top of the loss, be challenged with having to turn your cleaving to someone or something else. This can be a very challenging time. I know this by experience.
After years of having a multitude of stable relationships, whether through girlfriends, family, workmates, healthcare practitioners, or spiritual leaders, I then suffered 20 years of significant continual loss. I never knew that I shouldn’t be taking all of those steady relationships for granted -- that everything could change so drastically.
When I buried two of my closest friends back to back, a primary care physician said to me, “You now have the very difficult task of developing new relationships.” It was one of the most real things that a clinician said to me during that time. It wasn’t easy to hear, however, I knew it was true.
Now, I have yet another relationship threatened very unexpectedly. I see that I have to cleave to new sources of support. So, instead of focusing over and over again on the uncertainty of this relationship, which has been very available and supportive during the last year, I need to shift. Shifting can be difficult, infuriating, unsettling, saddening (is that a word?), and strangely...hopeful.
So I am shifting to what I have always shifted to through all of these losses and transitions, which is “Wow, I wonder how God will bless me now? I wonder what blessings will come from this change? I wonder how things will get better as a result of this shift?"
The one thing that I have learned with certainty through all of this change is that I am always, always blessed in the tragedy or as a result of the change. Always. I call them Change Blessings. Unfortunately, those blessings may not arrive right away – I wish they did – but they do eventually arrive.
I started playing a game yesterday in my mind, which was to think about my life as it was before the staggering loss and pretend that I was that person then. It was amazing how helpful it was. I felt lighter, happier, more hopeful. I could feel all of the support that I had then and felt like I could move forward with confidence! I am going to keep trying this. Shifting and living “as if”. I will write another blog soon about "living as if" -- a powerful life tool.
Remember, if you are experiencing loss or change...blessings are on the way! Look to find them...
What helps you shift or give you hope when life throws you a curve ball, a change you didn't expect or welcome? Would love to hear your beautiful words of advice in the comments section below.